It’s been a while since I last blogged. Honestly, any free moments I get I don’t wish to spend on technology. Everything, and I do mean everything, makes me nauseated. From scrolling my phone, to typing in front of the computer, to smelling all kinds of food. The only time I don’t feel like vomiting is when I watch TV (which is a huge distraction) and when I sleep.
Ever since my last post, mom has told all my maternal aunts (her sisters) of my pregnancy. We are all excited as it has been a while since we had little ones in our family. While at this moment I am not enjoying pregnancy, I am however enjoying the thought of being a mom.
The nausea is a real downer, I wake up and drink a sip of water and I want to puke. I walk too fast and I get light headed. All my favourite food just makes me feel uncomfortable and every day it’s as though all the food I eat is stuck in my throat threatening to come out into the toilet bowl. I have no mood to go out, even to walk my dog, which is sad. I want to eat, which is my favourite past time, but I can’t. Especially now when my relatives are over, we are going out to eat almost everyday. But I can’t even eat more than a few spoon full of rice. Hubby was a little annoyed at first, thinking I was playing with my food. But honestly, even fried garlic makes me pukey. And chinese food has a lot of fried garlic.
My pimples are coming back. I battled with terrible pimples ever since I was a teenager. I got a lot of criticism from a lot of people. “You would look so much better if you did something about your acne!” “Oh dear, your face is getting worse! Have you thought about seeing a doctor?” “Why don’t you do something about it and stop being so lazy and unhygienic about your pimples.”
Honestly, people can say the worst things. It really affected my self esteem and I did not want to get out of the house. I didn’t even try make up until a year ago. Anyway, it took hubby a little convincing before he let me go to the dermatologist. In his defense, he never thought that there was anything wrong with my face to begin with and thus never saw the need to see a doctor about it. But when I finally did, and my pimples cleared up (not entirely, but enough), I immediately felt better about myself. Now that the pimples are coming back, he dragged me to the clinic again. And I must say, the medication, which are all appropriate for pregnancy, is helping to keep the pimples under control.
I don’t have a bulge yet, except for the one I already have that is full of fats. So sometimes it is hard to feel like I am expecting. Although, the exhaustion and nausea is always there to remind me. 🙂
I don’t like crowds and I don’t like to attend events, except for a select few where I actually care for the people the event is about. For example, I’d gladly attend the wedding of a good friend, but not one where I don’t even know the bride or groom or 90% of the people there. So I guess when I had to attend one with my hubby and Mom in law, I wasn’t prepared for how uncomfortable I would feel. I was nauseated, really tired, my eyes were watery and I was in no mood for small talk and conversations. When the steam fish came out, I knew I had to excuse myself before I puked all over the table cloth.
Apparently, that and my entire behaviour that night wasn’t very polished at all. Hubby was upset, although he understood my discomfort. I felt like a total wreck, like I was a terrible wife and a terrible daughter in law. No one there knew I am pregnant so they all must think me a snobbish pompous girl who thinks I’m too good for such an event. The journey home was just as horrible and the I couldn’t sleep well that night. The worst thing was when I got home, my relatives from overseas just reached and I didn’t even stop to say hello. I just ran, red-eyed, into my room and then the toilet and waited for my eyes to dry up before going out to apologize. Even thinking about it now makes me want to cry.
Gosh, a pregnant woman’s blog isn’t the happiest reading material, is it?
I told hubby that if I am not feeling up to it, I won’t be attending any events with him any more, lest I make a fool out of him and my mother in law again. You cannot imagine how horrible I feel about myself right now. I can’t even eat to make myself feel better.
Friends have been asking to meet up but honestly, the journey in the train and bus just makes me not want to meet up and I feel very guilty about that. I really want this nausea andtiredness to end. This constant feeling of having food at my throat all the time is just such discomfort.
The 2nd visit to the doctor’s last Friday went well. As of today, I am 9 weeks pregnant. Mom and Steph says this discomfort will not last all pregnancy and will hopefully go away after the first trimester. Oh I can’t wait…
On the bright side, we could hear little baby’s heartbeat last Friday. 🙂 Now I have 2 heartbeats in me. Such is the miracle of life.