At about 4.30 in the morning on 1st May, I woke up to pee and saw blood in the toilet bowl. I considered for a split second that it may just be the mucuos plug coming out. But as a first timer, I started to worry and woke hubby up. He wasn’t too worried at all. He took the time to slowly feed and walk our furkid before going to the hospital. By the time we reach there, it was only 5.30am.
My doctor was there delivering a baby already. So I guess I was lucky because he managed to see me shortly after we arrived. I was 2 cm dilated. He gave me a tablet to speed up the process. At first my contractions were minor period cramps (minor compared to the labour pains I felt later). Soon after he gave me the tablet, I was wriggling like a tortured insect.
They repeatedly asked me if I wanted an epidural and I persisted. I don’t know why I felt the need to go through this totally natural. By 1 plus pm, I couldn’t take the pain anymore. It was so bad, I started vomiting and telling hubby that I didn’t want to go through this anymore and wanted to baby out. NOW.
Hubby asked my doctor how long more before the baby is ready to come. He said most likely I’ll have to wait till 4pm. That was it. I couldn’t take another 3 hours of the pain. 3 hours may not seem long now. But it sure seemed like forever then. They administered the epidural on me and I had a peaceful 3 hours later.
When next the doctor came, he told me it was time to push. 2 very lovely and friendly midwives helped me. I pushed for an hour before baby Aurora finally made her way out. It was so surreal. Oblivion was playing on the TV, the doctor even joked about giving pregnant women Redbull to help give them strength to push. Looking back, I still find it hard to believe that I went through all that.
When they finally put Aurora in my arms, I couldn’t hold back my tears. Even hubby shed a few. That squirmy little thing that I held in my belly for 9 months exactly is finally here in my arms, ready to mess up our day and keep us awake at night.
She arrived at precisely 5.22 pm.
My stay in the hospital taught me a lot. Breastfeeding, bathing the baby, pumping out milk… the nurses were all so ready to give any advice and to help in any way they could. I need to send them a card when I have more time in my hands to make one.
The next few days were like a test. I stayed up all night, without a wink of sleep, because Aurora keep needing to be fed. by the 4th night, I broke down. I kept wondering if I was not feeding her right, if there was something wrong with her since she hasn’t pooped after all the milk she’s been draining out of me. Luckily by Thursday when we had to meet up with our pediatrician, she finally did a major poop. By Saturday, on the follow up check up, she was fine.
She was still constantly feeding throughout the night until Saturday. By then, I was so sleep deprived that I was even considering hubby’s suggestion to get her on bottled milk instead. The hours through the night alone, with nothing else to do but having baby Aurora on my chest when all I want to do was have an hour or 2 to sleep… But I didn’t want to waste my breast milk. Hubby said he would stay up with me the next time Aurora cluster feeds to support my decision to stick to breastfeeding.
Luckily by Saturday night, she stopped. Only woke me up a few times for her regular feed.
I honestly don’t know how women do this without help. I don’t have to cook or clean and already I’m feeling so tired that I start getting snappy at others. I start to worry if I’m going to be a naggy, grumpy mother. If I’m going to drive my hubby and my baby crazy. I worry what kind of wife and mother I am turning out to be.
I don’t want to be a cranky mom and a grumpy wife. Especially since hubby has to work hard all day. I don’t want him to come home to a sour face. God knows how much he already has to go through without me making it worse.